Elden Ringis theDark Soulsofopen-worldgames (finally, the circle is complete!). This game makes players feel like they’re Tarnished and as much as we wish that was a full joke, there’s half a truth to it. Because while it’s the most accessibleSoulsbornegame yet, it’s also arguably the most difficult (mostly thanks to one boss too proud of her name).
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But the beauty in the players' suffering is that it produced ahealthy coping mechanismcalled humor. Because what else can players do against such insanity-inducing mechanics and oppressive boss fights than laugh at their self-imposed predicament. That’s certainly preferable to hypertension and broken controllers. And without players who laugh in the face of despair, theseElden Ringmemes wouldn’t have been born.
8I’ll Attack You! Ooh, I’ll Attack You. Sike! No, I’ll Really Attack You.
It’s official,Elden Ringbosses have the most deceptive attacks out of all theSoulsborneboss roster. There were too many memes borne out of this soul-crushing and anxiety-inducing mechanic but this one above is the least stressed. The learning curve to dodge those delayed attacks is quite steep.
One or two early rolls performed in panic typically spells doom to that poor Tarnished who set their sights on the near future too much. At some point in all that practice trying to dodge delayed attacks properly, players might merely accept their fate after a poorly-timed advanced roll.
7Wanna See Some Tarnished Go Extinct?
It’s hard to pinpoint exactly what inspired the concept for Starscourge Radahn, but either George R.R. Martin or Hidetaka Miyazaki got a little too imaginative when they saw one of those tiny functional bicycles trending on the internet. Because Leonard, Radahn’s horse, has no business having a back that strong.
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And what happens then when Radahn turns into a meteor and slams back down to Earth like an extinction event? Does he take Leonard with him and wrap him in and squeeze him between his thunder thighs so that the poor horse doesn’t get dragged behind in space? We need answers via DLCFromSoftware!
6Ha! Goteem!
He’s not just the Omen King or the Veiled Monarch, Margit/Morgott is also the King of Smack. All that trash talk is enough to discourage any foul, maidenless Tarnished emboldened by the flames of ambition. Margit does it with sophistication though, which makes his lines all the more memorable.
It’s the first time in aSoulsbornegamewhere a boss talks too much and even directly addresses and taunts the players. While the Tarnished come walking into Stormveil expecting a fistfight, Margit brought the big guns and the murderous intent. He should have just kept talking; those words would have been enough to put those foolish ambitions to rest.
5Ah Yes, The Beautifully Innocent “Newbie Dance”
A player’s very firstSoulsgame is always an immaculate, naive experience, where they merely expect to check what all the reviews and the fuss are about. Some even overestimate their skills and confidence, only to have that willpower shattered again and again until they become a tempered and wearySoulsveterancomplete with the bloodshot eyes and the five-o’clock shadow.
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The process for that tempering is an exhilarating and entertaining mess. It’s a path littered with tears and obnoxiously loud expletives paid for with panic rolls and a hundred deaths. As such, a good indication that a player has “gotten gud” is if they stop doing the meme above.
4Time To Go Four Cheese Whopper On Malenia
Speaking of “gitting gud,” the best way to go about that is in New Game+. That or merely over-leveling by killing a poor bird over and over again in a pool of blood.Elden Ringand someSoulsgames to a certain degree, give this satisfaction to players who have endured too much.
Nothing beats the triumphant retribution of coming back to a boss once over-leveled or armed to the teeth and giving them a cold, refrigerated five-course dish with so much cheese it inflicts the Lactose Intolerance status condition on thepoorElden Ringbosses.
3Say The Line Malenia!
That one boss who sits atop theSoulsborneboss hierarchy throne over a mountain of player corpses? Well, she has a name that’s quite hard to recall over the screeching and agonizing voices of all the players she skewered and diced.
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Anyway, defeating that boss solo (no summons) is the stuff of legends inElden Ringand a bragging right for anyone wanting to do it the good old-fashionedSoulsborneway. It might take two hours or maybe even 50 but waddling in Malenia’s bathwater of rot to let her know defeat is a monumental effort rewarded with enough serotonin to last untilElden Ring 2arrives.
2Sigma Rune-zillionaire Grindset
Yes, serotonin. That’s the best reward thatSoulsbornegames can trigger. Some players convince themselves it’s pride, some do it for the Runes, but nothing beats the flood of happy hormones gushing uncontrollably once players have finally struck the final blow tothe bosswho has been sand-kicking them in the face for a good couple of hours.
Learning from one’s mistakes, applying astute tactical judgment, and gritting it through anger issues and hopelessness is the pinnacle ofSoulsgames —Elden Ringincluded. Getting there might not look pretty, but it’s pretty gratifying regardless.
1"You Will Witness True Horror"
One thing that immediately stood out among the players inElden Ringis how the game makes fun of them for being maidenless. Whether this is an intended jab at people who have no significant others or not remains ambiguous (hint: it probably is). The irony is that some people with actual partners are about to be maidenless thanks to their fixation on the game.
Some partners simply can’t beignored in favor ofElden Ring. Others probably even passed up opportunities to put another relationship-related ring for a chance to playElden Ring. Does that ring a bell? In any case,being Tarnishedis enough of a plight already. Thou should take care of thy consort — even if they don’t have four arms or even if they don’t gift out an Accord (or at least Civic).
Elden Ringis available on PlayStation 4, Xbox Series X and Series S, Xbox One, PlayStation 5, and Microsoft Windows.
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